Area Man Misses His Old News Feed

“I never thought I’d say this, but I miss the days when my Facebook news feed was filled with baby pictures, vacation albums, and restaurant meals,” said Ottawa resident Ryan Williams, commenting on his newsfeed being overrun by posts from both sides of the political spectrum.

“At least in those days my news feed only made me feel bad about myself. Now I’m feeling down about all of humanity. Things were simpler then.”

Williams claims that up to 80% of the posts appearing in his news feeds are rooted in American politics.

“What annoys me is that a lot of these posts are just opinion pieces used to fill the void in the 24-hour news cycle, but presented as facts,” said Williams, who would not disclose his political leanings. “I guess nowadays opinion carries more weight than real investigative journalism.”

In response to his growing sense of impending doom, Mr. Williams began unfollowing all of his friends who post politically charged articles. Sadly, this means that he has now lost updates from 455 of his 568 Facebook friends. Despite the massive purge, Mr. Williams’ news feed has not returned to its former glory days.

“I can’t say that it solved the problem. Now it’s pretty limited. I only see updates from the Ottawa Senators, motivational quotes in picture form, and my grandma trying to load the same profile picture 4 times.”

Williams claims the experience has encouraged him to spend more time offline reading paperback novels. He recently purchased copies of The Handmaid’s Tale, Brave New World, and Nineteen Eighty-Four.

Ramsgate and Hackett

Leave a Reply Text

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *