BBQ Guest Gives Host Unsolicited Grilling Advice

bbqRIVERSIDE SOUTH, OTTAWA – “I much prefer charcoal grilling over gas,” said Guy Morris upon arriving at an after-work barbecue hosted by his colleague Andre Johnson.

“I really enjoy the smokier, richer taste of meat cooked on a charcoal grill, but we’ll make do with this ol’ gas barbecue,” declared Morris, immediately annoying everyone in attendance.

“Get it nice and hot buddy. I say you preheat that grill 20 minutes before you even think of putting the meat on there,” he continued. “See, a properly heated grill sears the meat on contact. That’s what keeps the inside nice and moist.”

As the grill was heating, Guy ridiculed other guests for grilling veggie burgers and soy dogs, questioning their masculinity. 

Guy hovered around the barbecue, sipping his beer and offering his council on how to cook the perfect medium steak, visibly irritating everybody with his know-it-all attitude towards basic grilling techniques.

Guy suggested cooking the steaks for 4 minutes, setting a timer on his cell phone to remind Andre when they were ready to flip. After the alarm rang, Andre mistakenly started a small grease fire while flipping the steaks.

“Hey, tame those flames, man. We split on that meat, don’t mess it up,” said Guy as he grabbed the tongs from Andre’s hands, summarily taking over all grilling duties.

Walking away before losing his cool, Andre was overheard vocalizing his frustration: “Comes into my home, telling me how to cook, like I never grilled before? Who invited him anyways?”

When other guests tried to calm tensions by suggesting the meat was ready, Guy was one step ahead of them.

“I got this,” he said, pulling an instant-read thermometer from the side pocket of his cargo shorts, sticking the needle into the steaks. “140 degrees Fahrenheit baby. We’re in business.”

As the group of workmates began eating and blood sugars raised, each of them admitted amongst themselves that their meat was cooked exactly to their liking.

Ramsgate & Hackett

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